Gold

You know, being in a relationship really makes this whole God thing click some more.

It really does.

I mean, the simple pleasures of holding her hand or laughing until I cry, or simply being with her are spectacular and it makes me think I understand God's love for me. But the incredibly beautiful thing is that any love in my heart pales in comparison to God's love for me.

Think about it. If I think it is so awesome to spend time with her, try to fathom the magnitude in which God takes pleasure in simply being with me.

Think about it this way: God is the creator of hate, and he hates what he hates more passionately than any other being because, as the creator of hate, he knows the full magnitude of what hatred can consist of.

Thank God he doesn't hate us.

In fact, you can just replace all of those hates with loves.

So in short, no matter how passionately I may ever think I love somebody,
God's love ultimately will be a million times more intense.

Anyways, I was not writing this for the sake of making some sappy thing.
I hate that sort of thing.

I am actually being serious, though. I was thinking about it recently.
I really think God really made marriage a metaphor with our relationship with him.
It gives us an slight idea of how he feels about us.

I was just making some connections, really.

I hope that made sense and you were not like:
Seriously? I Do not want to read about your friggin girlfriend.

Jonathan

Trust

God has been consistently intentional about telling me one thing this semester:

Trust him to have a plan.

Seriously, in the past week alone I can think of three encounters with people pointing me that way.
Aaron had a talk on it, Jake and I talked about it, and Chelsea today was talking about God having a plan in her life.

It is kind of crazy really.
In two ways:
1. How faithful he has been.
2. How unfaithful I have been.

I am not perfect, but I am working on it.

Really trust is the theme of my semester.
I have been working on figuring out my purpose in this speck of time I have on a place I call Earth.

I have it narrowed down to two things so far...
1. Live for God everyday.
2. Trust that he will do something with your life.


Sorry I blog so much. This is just kind of my journal, so I have been
really trying to document all of this the best I can.

”And if I saw that star
Shining bright
Walking at night
You know I’d run as fast as I can

And I’d send you a clue
Of what to do
So you won’t feel
Like I do”
You & I by The Cobalt Season

I kind of want to play this at Altaer sometime for moment of truth maybe.

Everything

There is this song that goes like:
Let everything that has breath praise the lord.

That song comes from Psalm 150.


Here is everything it says to praise God for:
1. For his acts of power
2. For his surpassing greatness

Here is everything it says to praise God with:
1. Praise him with trumpets
2. Praise him with harps and lyres
3. Praise him with tambourines
4. Praise him with dancing
5. Praise him with Strings
6. Praise him with Flutes
7. Praise him with Cymbals

I think the point is that Gods glory and power is enough to offer him everything we have,
whether it is music or dancing or painting or through humility, etc.

Let everything that has breath praise the lord.

Jonathan

Begin

I felt like I came so far.
I really did.

But now I am back to the same square one.

Trusting God is hard. It really is.

Preachers make it out to be easier than it is.

They always talk about how God has a bigger
picture than I do, while in the meanwhile I
feel like I am stuck in a dark hole.

It is funny how ideas feel much softer than reality.

I am not mad at God or anything.
I just wish I had a clue sometimes.

There was a point where I came far from
trusting God and not feeling so hopeless in everything.

Crazy how one day can push me back months.
Crazy how pulling one card can put me back three spaces.

And giving a round three at college did not really help, either.

I actually felt more alone than I have in a while.

I realized that I do not have any mentors who did/is doing the college thing
who is not great academically. What was really scary was when I turned to God
on that one, I had to realize that he knows everything :P
Nobody.

I was talking to Kelsey, and she asked me if I actually trusted if God has a purpose for me.

I do.
I just am not sure if I will find it.

Actually. That is it.
It is not a thing of college necessarily. I just want to do what God wants me to do, which
could be one of three trillion things and I have it narrowed down to one of 99% of those things being it.

I do not really write these for the sake of you guys reading about my problems.
I mean I am open about it, but I hope you do not think I am just rambling for the sake of rambling.
I really am just trying to organize my thoughts and I type faster than I journal.
Although I not mind if you care :P

Jonathan

Formality

Gotta be honest, I have never been crazy about the idea of formality.

It always seems so fake.
Even if nobody is trying to, it seems to turn out that way.

I mean, I am not saying its bad necessarily, I just personally cannot stand it.

I cant see any real reason why somebody would dress in a suit besides
the fact that you are wearing it to show how much money you have.
It isn't comfortable nor does it keep you warm.

Girls are different because they like to look what they call nice.
I dont get what nice really is because it is all opinion really.
Nobody can look nice to everybody, so why not just stand on equal terms for once?
Too bad that will never happen.
We all want to be better than everyone else.
I dont see how I am much better than anyone else.


I really hope I never get caught up in the corporate world and in
the fancy lifestyle. That would be a sad day really.

I dont really know why I signed up for the Formal, honestly.
I cant do it.
Haha, I cried after prom last year, the whole thing kills me so much.
Actually, I was going to go, but I just wasn't feeling great, and then the
girls got to talking about it all during lunch. It all felt so gross.
"I cant wear that mom! I wont look pretty enough!"
Crap like that makes me want to slap people sometimes.

Not saying that I am perfect and am not selfish, etc...far from.
I just try to see things with the most transparency I can.

I hope you all had fun, though! I really do.

Anyways, I do not need comments about how it isn't all bad, ect. because I know it all.
I am just being opinionated.
I feel like Holden from Catcher in the Rye sometimes, if you've ever read it.

"So this promise I will make, I pray God will help me keep, is that I will live simply so that others may simply live."
-One Life by Jake Sumner

Jonathan

Worship

I just got back from Shift.
I love it there, not gunna lie.

But sometimes I wonder if they know what worship is.
Tonight I began to wonder what it was or why we do it.
What it really means.

I went into the recording studio after worship to ponder it all,
when Trevor came in. We started talking about life etc. and he
ended up showing me a song he wrote.

Really beautiful stuff.

I loved the idea of it.
The chorus was something like:
How could you ever be good to me?

Anyways, it hit a lot on that, and went on to say that
it is why we gather to worship him.

That we do not deserve his love but he loves us anyways.
That is why we worship him.

It was cool how I was sidetracked from thinking about some stuff only to have it all placed in a beautifully written song performed before me.

I love how God works.

Jonathan

Messes

I may not be perfect, but I try to make each day worth it, and
I really to try to live it for God. Some days turn out better than others.


And in the evenings I wonder if I made a mess
Something bigger than a man could ever accept
Can’t be the person that I wanted to be
But I never was just okay with me

Now the days are gone for the lookin’ around
Now I just keep eyes to the ground
With a little bit of hope that things could change
Though I’m still not sure what to rearrange

Cause it hides in my pocket, refuses to be seen
This glimmer of all I hope and dream
So I’ll pray to God that I’m livin’ right
And know that nothin’ good ever comes without a fight

The Coming of Age By The Cobalt Season

Tired

I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired.
I've been waking up at 6 going to school 5 times a week.
I go to church at 7:30 for two weeks on and off(which I love).
I drove to Miami for 14 hours for vacation this week.
I've been going back and forth between different families for Thanksgiving.
I was up until 3:00 this morning hanging out with my cousins.
Tomorrow we're driving 6 hours to a hotel.
Then we'll be driving another 6 hours the next day.
Then I go to school the next day.

Anyways, I'm not saying this to rant or whatever, all I'm saying is that
sometimes I feel like I'm moving at a hundred miles an hour nonstop.

If you know much about me, you know that I hate wasting my life.
However, another part of me knows I need to rest sometimes.

I say all of this hoping you know I've had a great time in Florida and have loved
just about every second seeing all my family again. I've just also been a little burnt out.

"Be still an know I am God"
That's one of those verses that people have kind of over killed, but it's so beautiful and true.

Sometimes we just need to rest, and God offers that rest.

"Help me out here, I'm getting tired"
-The Cobalt Season (I know I quote them nonstop)

-Jonathan

Ecclesiastes

Ecclesiastes is probably one of my favorite books in the bible.

I started reading it because I caught these words in the header:

"Everything is Meaningless"

Quite a header for a book all about having hope in God.

But if you've been reading my blogs or heard me talk about life, you'll

probably realize I kind of feel this way really often about life.

Anyways,  this book basically reflects this idea:

-Why work just to eat? We'll just be hungry again.

-Why look for pleasure? It'll only last for the moment.

-Why try to make your name great? You'll be forgotten someday.

These are the questions I find myself asking in my spare time.

And the answers are disturbing.

I mean seriously think about this for five minutes and see if you get overwhelmed.

Why do we do the things we do?

Why do we value school education or how people perceive you?

Nobody will care about your grades or that stupid thing you did when you're ninety and dead in the ground along with the person that thought poorly of you.

Before you get tired of reading all of this:

      Know this isn't another hopeless post!

Read Ecclesiastes 5:7

"Much dreaming and many words are meaningless.

Therefore, stand in awe of God."

There you have it. Stand in awe of God.

It's all meaningless. So what is there left worth doing?

Stand in awe of God.

Live for the only thing that gives meaning and hope.

Not things of selfishness and shame.

"What benefit did you reap at the time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness and the result is eternal life."

-Romans 6:21-22 

It's been too long since the last time I've been inspired by the bible.

I think Ryan helped with that by simply teaching from it.

-Jonathan

Adulthood

Whenever kids are growing up, it seems they want to all be one of three things:

A policeman.

A fireman.

A doctor.

These three things have one thing in common:

Helping others.

Out of every kid that wanted to do that, how many live it out?

At what point does the world suck out the hope

that we can make a difference?

That there's more?

I see it almost every day. People living for less. People settling.

That terrifies me.

"Because you were meant for...amazing things..."

  -Sleeping at Last

-Jonathan

Content

Sorry about that last post. As much as I think that's true, basically last week I let all of the bitterness about everything I had spill out into a great depression. It was pretty bad, not gunna lie. 

           But-

I worked it out and talked to God and I feel better about it all. :)

 It's always nice feeling better after not feeling good at all.

Kind of like after being sick-you always feel way better, when in reality you just are back to normal, if you think about about it.

       Anyways, I'm back on my feet again walking!

Today, I was really thirsty after singing at SLAM, so I got some water. When I went out, I  saw David and Kate, so I talked to them instead of hearing Aaron's talk. 

They talked a lot on their future, and honestly, it makes me feel better that they don't even know the exact direction they're taking when they're a few years older than me. But they know they want to be in ministry.

Which is kind of crazy, for me really-Ministry I mean.        

Like I always think of my future and I'm like: 

      "I want to serve God for a living, but I don't know if ministry is for me."

That's kind of an oxymoron because serving God for a living basically is ministry. 

And you're probably like "Jonathan, you're retarded for not considering that earlier," and I'm like "You're right, but I don't really care because I finally figured it out!" :P

       (and not retarded, I mean stupid, because it's not nice to call retarded people retarded because that's not very nice because some people are really retarded and can't help it).

Anyways, so I guess I've been looking into ministry my whole life and never knew it! 

                   Crazy, huh?

Jake said I could intern with them if I wanted, after I graduate. Actually, I'll be kind of a not-intern at Shift in a few months leading worship and helping out developing SHIFT students develop into worship leaders. 

I'm getting really excited about that, but still learning how to do it all first.

It's times like this I'm actually excited about my future. 

    And so what if I don't know about school or what to study yet.

        I'll worry about all that when it's time(or when I freak out again)-

but for NOW I will be CONTENT.

-Jonathan

Justice

I seriously can get pissed at the school system sometimes.

                    Most the time actually.

                        Actually, I'm pretty much against the system to be honest(call me a rebel).

But it's not a matter of 'school sucks' or 'it's for fags' as much as it is unjust.

       And I feel justified in being against something that is unjust.

Think about it:

           Year after year I see CP kids that the world views as retarded try desperately hard to pass and fail, then end up working some crap job.

           Yet year after year there are kids who barely try, and even sleep during class who are considered 'gifted'(whatever that means), make straight A's and the world applauds their laziness with lofty jobs and free rides to college.

Unjust? I think so.

Not saying that I'm the hardest working kid on the planet, but I try just as hard, if not harder than some of my friends who are in AP and gifted classes. 

        That being said, I generally attempt all the work and always ask questions, so I'm not a slacker either.

It just wears on me that I wake up to this every day, and honestly,

          It sucks the joy that I'm supposed to have in Christ every day.

And I wish it didn't, but it does.

        I pray it won't, but it seems it always will in some way.

          Every year I'm told that  everyone should take at least one AP class and join a few clubs. For what? 

             Why?

               Doesn't that take away from the 'advanced' part of it?

It sounds an awful lot like school politics to me. It sounds an awful lot like they want our school to look better than all of the other schools. They're just clever about it.

          

And I seem to be the only person who notices all of this is happening while students eat all this crap every day for their entire school career.

All this said I am thankful that I have an education. 

      But a big part of me would rather have no schooling than an unfair one, to be honest, because I'm sick and tired of being judged on the scale of my ability to take a friggin' test.

"Damned when our dreams don't get realized

  Damned when we're found out by all our petty lies

  Damned when our plans fail; damned when people try

  Damned when I can't see the truth through these jaded eyes

And more than I want to see, I need to hear

Someone tell me somehow...that it's gunna be alright...

Tell me it's gunna be alright..."

                -The Cobalt Season: Glory

       By the way, you should check these guys out-they're one of my favorite bands, and I emailed the lead singer to ask him about how he got where he is and stuff. He emailed me back and seems to be a pretty nice guy.

Careful

You are gonna change your mind someday
So just let go of all your thoughts on tomorrow
You may find your bearings in disarray
Though you may lead and trip and fall and follow

And all that you thought black will be proved red
Full of life and complication and sorrow
And all that you thought white was in your head
For life is lived in the shadows that we borrow

And I’ll look far, but may see nothing
And I will thirst, but may not drink
And I will yell to those behind me
“Careful not to draw your maps in pen and ink”

The same road disappears up ahead
Will you ever understand this equation?
The compass in your hand is all but dead
Time to feel your way around this evasion

Read the words again, for you might see
Life where you saw death, a way to your salvation
Best to lay down what you thought was certainty
Freedom’s found in the in that calmed frustration

And I will strain to find a pattern
And hold my breath ’till I’m on the brink
And I will yell to those behind me
“Careful not to draw your maps in pen and ink”

You are gonna change your mind someday
Just let go of all your thoughts...

Careful Not to Draw Your Maps in Pend and Ink

By: The Cobalt Season

Learn

So Wednsday we had the college fair.
Which is equivilent to a depression fair for me.
Basically it consisted of me following Kelsey around as
she looked for school and me writing a song about how I don't
know what I want to do with my life.

College has always been kind of a tough subject for me.
It's always been hard for me to see light in it.
So I basically went through the school day pretty depressed with
all of that jazz on my mind.

Then I came to Shift early and talked to Jake, and for the first time...
I didn't feel alone when it came to college.
He was able to kind of give me an insight on what his experience was like-
not really knowing what he wanted, what a music education looked like etc.

It's hard for me to express with words how it made me feel though, because
I don't feel like this is doing justice to it.

I mean the idea of school has always just brought me down time after time after time.

And for fifteen or twenty minutes I felt...okay with it.
I felt like it's something I might be able to handle.
I felt like God had a plan for me(Plans to prosper me, not to harm me).
I guess I'll post my song(It's probably still rough since I haven't written music with it yet).

Song Idea:

Chorus:
I don't know
where the hell
I'm supposed to go
No I don't know
where it is
that you would have me go

Verse 1:
You never said it'd be easy
But did you ever say it'd be hard?
The road I've gone's made me weary,
but I see a light at the end of it all.

But still...

(Chorus)

Verse 2:
I've tried so hard to see clearly
And you've worked so hard for my trust.
When the future I hold shines so bleakly
It's to you that I give all my hope

But still...

(Chorus)

Bridge:
The world around me's running
toward shining goals
to leave me in the dust
God am I stuck here-doomed to rust

(Chorus 2x)

Blow

I just got back from FBRT.

  So many good memories.

Just thought I'd write about one in particular.

I was just hanging out the other night and decided for whatever

to go to the beach. 

Incredible.

Breathtaking.

The wind was blowing more fierce than I had ever felt wind blow.

The time I was just able to be silent was exhilarating.

I even went as far as to dance and sing in the sand.

It was just you and me.

-Jonathan

Dream

I know I just posted two days ago, but I felt like I should write this down.

So the idea of dreaming has been following me around for the past two days,

and I like to imagine stuff like that isn't a coincidence.

On Sunday I was still really distraught about my whole future thing and my thought life was pretty infested with it. I was basically miserable whenever I wasn't doing anything and had time to think about it.

So anyways, at church there was a band that played called Fade into Focus(they're pretty good), and they were talking about dreaming big and moving in the direction of where your dreams were. I went up to talk to some of the guys playing-Cameron and Preston for a few-cool guys.

Today I was at school and my math  teacher has all of these random posters that are actually pretty genuinely encouraging. I saw one today in the back of the room I hadn't seen before-it said "Move confidently in the direction of your dreams". 

Kind of  crazy really.

When I got home I was doing a bible study based on the Vision poem and it talked about having dreams, but doing more than having dreams. A huge part of it is actually acting on my dreams and passions.  

All of this was really encouraging to me and really gave me a lot of peace that God  knows what he's doing. And I know that he knows what he's doing, but it helps to be reminded of it. 

In the mean time, I'll just be pursuing my dreams and passions :)

-Jonathan

Today

Earlier this week I ended up getting kind of down 

because I was thinking about my future and what all I wanted to do with it.

         I have so much passion I don't know what to do with it.

I love God, music, the homeless, and recently, people.

(The whole learning that I love people thing is kind of  cool).

Anyways,

So I have all of these passions and desires, but I don't really know where I want to go with it.

 I could see myself doing a ministry thing, but is that really for me?

I would love to do the music thing, but am I good enough to live off of it?

Can I get a job working with the homeless or people that pays enough for the rent?

I don't really know.

But sitting around worrying about it won't help my situation.

I need to live today and pursue my passions today.

God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

I just sometimes wish I knew what those plans were now.

But then again...

Where would be the adventure in that?

-Jonathan

Duty

Last weekend I was able to go to Shift Fall Camp and hang out with middle schoolers and I must be honest...

I kind of freaking loved it!

It was really cool just to get to know Travis and spend time with Sam and love on those guys simply because I love them. 

If that makes sense...

But there was one keyboard lead song that I was doing with Kelsey that I had never heard until three days before I had to play it. It's called Captivated, but I nicknamed it Hellsong. 

Basically I was trying to sit down and learn this piece and something wasn't connecting between my brain and my fingers or something because I could NOT sit down and play through the whole properly. But I had to be able to play it.

I'm the keyboard guy, right? It's just what I do.

What I'm saying is that I ended up losing sight of the song as something to worship God with as and replaced it with my duty to perform this song. 

That's a scary place to be.

Once I made that connection it ended up pulling together and it's actually a pretty fun piece. I was talking to Donna Hach about it and she had an interesting thought...

What if I wasn't able to learn the song because I wasn't worshiping him with it?

Could be true.

I think God expects us to put forth effort in to what we do, and hands us responsibilities. 

I also think God expects us to do it for him-something eternal. (John 6:27)

-Jonathan

(Thanks for the pic Andy)

Yo Soy Muy Artistico.

Hola el boyos!

I will every once in a while feel inspired to do a little photoshopping.

Just thought I'd post some of my most recent stuff! 

This is a mock-CD cover.

I've been trying pretty hard to be good again...

Sometimes I think I can be a jerk.

       And I know all of my adoring blog fans are thinking:

"Jonathan, you're so smart and deep-how could you possibly be a jerk?"

Okay you weren't thinking that, but I was.

But really. 

        When I look at myself, I figure I'm genuinely a pretty nice guy overall.

But there's this part of me where I get in moods where I'm kind of sarcastic and blunt, and every once in a while I think it rubs someone the wrong way.

Like today I was in one of those moods and my family was just kind of like...Seriously?

It mostly makes my mom upset I think because she's very 'tone sensitive' towards the things I say.

Part of me thinks that it has to do with the fact I've always been this way, but it came out more after I became more open with who I was.

I don't know if it's a bad thing or not. I think it can be sometimes, but I don't mean it to be or want it to.

I'm not sitting here bashing myself, but I am just posting my thoughts on things.

Anyways, I've decided I tend to have kind of extremes of being really sarcastic and loud and whatnot or really quiet, soft-spoken and serious.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but it gets frustrating every once in a while.

Goodness

So for Language Arts we have to make a bag and put things on it that represent ourselves.

So I was like...Do I represent peace? That's a good quality to have. 

Then I got to thinking...do I really believe in peace?

Because it's like, I know there won't ever peace as long the world is the way it is.

That's the truth.

And it's been that way for thousands of years.

So really what's the point in in standing for peace?

So I randomly ended up reading a quote from Lord of the Rings that day.

Frodo was talking to Sam about what the point about this was and wanted quit.

Sam told him that they were holding on to something important-like the people from their childhood stories. What were they holding on to?

"There is still some good left in this world...and it's worth fighting for."

That's the truth.

In fact, it's more true than what I said was true before this.

Maybe I should stop being so pessimistic sometimes.

But then again, maybe I should actually evaluate what I believe and what I stand for.

Peace is something worth fighting for.

-Jonathan

It may not look like a sunrise, but it's a new day!

Today's the first day I haven't had anything scheduled or planned to do since...

A while before Costa Rica.

I know part of me needs it, but I kind of hate having a day of doing nothing.

                The idea makes me feel so lazy.

As much as I love movies, I can't help but look at the reality of it-

   I'm basically staring at a wall with a big light on it for two and a half hours.

So basically I've been sort of dreading today...

    But I was reading Ecclesiastes today and sure enough I read this:

"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in the work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun."

(Ecc 8:15)

Maybe I need today.

Maybe I've been working and going all Summer and I need a day.

Maybe.

-Jonathan

I can hardly see what's in front of me these days...and in those days, too

What now?

I guess things are kind of crazy right now.

And by crazy, I mean today's the first day in forever I haven't done anything.

Anyways.

I've been kind of confused with things right now. But that's nothing new.

Since Costa(read the post below if you care about it) I've been trying to figure out

what's next. I sort of have an idea that it has something to do with my relationship with God kind of transitioning from this thing where it's more based on  how I feel to serving God despite how I feel because he's God and worth serving.

But I'm not sure if that's exactly where I'm heading or if that's just a side quest of somewhere else I'm heading that I don't really know about right now.

Does that make sense?

          Because I'm not so sure it makes sense to me either...

-Jonathan

(Bye the way, I've been getting these pictures from Deviant Art-they're not mine)

Costa Rica - The Aftermath

What to say...

This was not the feel good trip of the year.

But it was worth it.

Even when I felt like crap singing songs to God.

  Even when I tossed and turned in my bed emotionally troubled.

  Even when I was stressed about song sets and setting up sound systems.

Because:

I was worthless and now have worth.

And I could share that.

I was hopeless and now have hope.

And I could share that.

If something in my testimony hit somebody and pointed them in the direction of God...

The whole trip was worth it.

If a song I played helped lead somebody into true worship for the first time...

The whole trip was worth it.

If all God needed me to do this whole time was help Ivan smile...

The whole trip was more than worth it.

The point is that I was there to shine God.

No matter how I was feeling emotionally.

I always had knowledge that my relationship with God shouldn't be based on emotions. But God took the time on this trip to push it further away from me basing on that. Not saying emotions are bad-they're quite wonderful actually. It's just not something solid to base my relationship with God  off of.

On a lighter note:

Costa Rica is beautiful.

-The grass was greener.

-The trees were perfectly imperfect

-Every overtone the sun gave off was exactly what it should be.

-The beach, even when gloomy, was beautifully erie.

-And when the sky full of clouds met the incredible mountains...

Need I say more?

If you want stories you cab call me or talk to me in person.

But those were my feelings if you were wondering.

Oh Mask, How You Hide

Oh mask how you hide

my sins while I turn a blind eye

to all the wrongs I have done

denying who I have become

Oh, let this become the last masquerade

 

It's been keeping us all in the dark

from the truth we've been hiding

about this dirty disgusting mark

Oh God, I'm tired of hiding

behind all this stupid rhyming...

It's time to be honest with who we are

and to stop prettying things up and hiding so far

from who we are and who we pretend to be...

-Jonathan

Sex-The Ultimate Spectator Sport?

If you know me well enough, you'll probably find out that I dealt

with porn for a few years. 

And if you didn't know that, you do now.

Anyways, time to time I think about it again(not in that way). It's really kind of ridiculous if you think about it-the idea of watching two people go at because

you're not getting any. Not that I condone sex before marriage, but really.

It's kind of like this:

If you're going to jail for murder, it seems appropriate to go to jail for actually murdering instead of watching it all happen.

I guess that's kind of bad of me to say that, but it's kind of true I think.

The point is that porn is just kind of ridiculous but it's basically the number one 

spectator sport ever-it makes up about 97% of everything on the internet. And the internet is friggin huge. And that's really depressing to me...Some guy buying himself something less than what it could be. Or herself? That's apparently bigger than I initially thought.

All this to say-

Don't be like me...

                                 when it comes to that.

-Jonathan

God Oh, God-you look so sad and beautiful...

Jesus Christ.

To be honest, sometimes I can't help but think of Buddy Jesus when

I hear the name like that in full. 

I shouldn't.

But the funny thing is that we throw Jesus around in that image.

As our super cool white Republican guy with curly locks and a beard that's BA like Chuck Norris's.  

Who honestly doesn't want to worship Chuck Norris?

But seriously.

I have to check to make sure I'm really worshiping Real Jesus.

Not Buddy Jesus. Not Theology Jesus. Not Jonathan's Jesus.

Anyways, it's pretty obvious stuff, but something

I was thinking about anyways.

I'm as heavy as a feather...hallelujah

I feel pretty decent right now.

  Not for one specific reason, but just a whole.

Xtreme VBS has been really cool just getting to be with some

crazy kids and trying to teach them to love their enemies.

I actually tell them to clap for the winning team if we lose or to clap

for everyone after they lose, so it's almost sarcastic, but I'm hoping that will

shine through somehow(And they're not pity claps!!!).

And of course I can't just wake up at 8 and spend all my energy by 12.

I have to use the rest of the energy  I don't have and keep myself busy with

friends and the like. 

   I don't like not being busy during the summer because I feel like I've waited all

year for Summer to do...absolutely nothing.

I had dinner with Radu today. I love Radu-he's a good guy.

I've been learning the importance of the Old Testament recently. Which is kind of ironic since I had just had a conversation recently about how I struggled with all the old laws if we weren't bound to it because we were under grace, etc.  

Carly did a talk on it like two days after I talked about it and like how Jesus didn't come to abolish the law but to fulfill it. 

Then I read Romans 3 and it talked about upholding the law.

God sketches me out when he gets all intentional on me.( And I mean that kind of sarcastically, but not really). But really, it's kind of neat.

Anyways, life has been good, and God (as always) remains the same.

Anyways, take care friends!

-Jonathan

I have a dream...

I've been thinking some about my future recently.

Which is weird for me.

So I kind of started imagining where I wanted to be or wanted to do.

I've had this dream of like living in a small house with my wife, and we'd 

be in a band together. When we were around the house we'd be writing music

together. I thought it would be like the perfect idea, you know. It would be a simple

lifestyle, I would do something I would love. It would be wonderful.

But the more I've thought about it, the more I've come to realize, maybe, that these

are just my dreams for myself. And maybe that's not a bad thing-maybe God gives me dreams so I have something to aspire to. But maybe, and I'm thinking more likely, this is my own dream as opposed to God's dream for me. Or God's plan-whatever word you want to use. You get what I'm saying though?

It's like, I shouldn't live for my own dream of what life should be. I'm supposed to give it up for the sake of my God's plan.

Just because I basically love the band, I'll quote mewithoutYou:

"My life is no longer mine"

Anyways, it's kind of exciting thinking about my future, but kind of scary also...

But God is faithful, and I know that.

I just don't always live like he really is.

Any thoughts are welcome if anybody thats reading this has any.

Either way it's nice to be able to write down my thoughts.

Bye the way, my dream would look something like The Cobalt Season mixed with the movie Once...

I highly recommend both.

My God speaks in the silence...

SHHHHHHHH

           listen to it...

                    

(2 Samuel 6:5)

"And all the house of Israel played before the LORD on all manner of instruments"

If you know me, I think music is kind of a big deal. It's something that really connects to my heart in a pretty personal way for some reason. And music is a big deal for just about everybody, if you honestly think about it. In fact, it practically can define us, and does define us. A gangster is complete with rap music, and a punk is complete with heavy metal. Satanic people love black metal, according to Zack at least.
Kate said that Jonathan is indie music.
Music defines us, but I'm not really sure if that's right or not, because I'd rather have my God define me.

But do you get what I'm saying?

There's some undeniable deep connection that comes through music. It describes the beauty of a woman, and the greatness of a god. We use it to express the deepest longings in a human heart that can't be simply described.

And I think that poetry and writing and photography and painting are also music.
That is, if music is the expression of the deepest being of our hearts and souls, surely that's expressed in those ways as well. Photography and painting are just music of the eyes. Writing is simply music of the heart. Melodies are music of the ear.

God is too kind for giving us a way to share the deepest emotions of our hearts.

"Christ died precisely because man isn't worth dying for-to make them worth it again"

I  love the Spanish culture.

I just got back from Miami for my cousin's wedding. 

And it's always crazy.

Basically, I don't have a clue what anyone's saying,

and I don't know like anybody, but it feels like  I've

known them for years. Like I have some awkward relationships

with cousins I sort of know on my mom's side, but not on my dad's.

 Like it's not weird when everybody is kissing

eachother on the cheek or when I dance with my 2nd cousin from Spain

after meeting her like once. 

It's all so intimate.

And I think so many of us are missing that in our society. We all walk around

and are so afraid to just dive on in and love eachother. We're quick to love in

a relationship, but slow to love as friends or family. Am I making sense?

I guess to put it in the most basic words I can say....

Why don't we love each other simply because Christ told us to love?

Anyways, I wanted to say that but I also wanted to share my weekend...

so yeah...Hope that made sense/wasn't a waste of reading!

Music..."The Joker's Joke" by Page France

"How could the sky be blue for everyone at once?"

Woe is me

"But woe to you who are rich, for you are receiving your comfort in full."
-Luke 6:24

That's a hard verse to live for us.

"If you have two coats, you've stolen one from the poor."
-I dunno who said that, but I read it somewhere.


I think we look at verses or thoughts like that as nice ideas, but I have to
question how many of us live something like that out. How do we live as
poor people when we're taught to go to college and get a better job than
that person, or to work your way up higher in the corporate world?

I think that's being a big deciding factor when I think about my future.
Is spending a few years of my short life worth spending in college, or does
my God want something else for me in that time? Should I be rich and use
my money to go help others or be poor and live humbly like my father taught
us to be? Part of me thinks that God gives us money and all of this to go help
those because we have it, but another part of me feels like this verse where I
shouldn't need much so I can rely on my father more.

Two paths. Two years to decide.

Any thoughts?

I need to die for passion's sake

I was reading 1 Corinthians...

"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing."

Love drives our passions I think.

If an artist doesn't paint a painting without passion or love put into it, it's as good as a blank canvas.
If a musician sings a song, but doesn't feel passion or love in the notes or lyrics, he's as good as someone singing in silence.



I hate feeling empty in the things I do.

Yet there's almost nothing better in the world than feeling love in what I do.

I could have saved one more...

I watched Schindler's List the other night, and it really hit
me hard. I guess this is kind of a spoiler, but it's a true story,
so it doesn't count. Like this guy Schindler basically gives all
of the money he has to buy Jews to 'work' for him until the war ends.
When he's done buying them he looks at every person he saves-hundreds
of them. And then he looks at his car he's going to drive off in. "I could have saved
at least ten more with this." Then he looks at his pin representing he supports the
Nazi party. "This is made of gold. I could have bought two more...maybe one more."
He began to sob in shame for denying eleven people life. He lived for compassion's sake-
he didn't look at all the people and say "Look at all the people I saved!" He said, "I could
have saved more!" I think we should be that way when it comes to our compassion. Like
we should let our hearts fill with compassion and instead of saying how well we do,
we need to long to help more.

"Hey now fill our hearts with your compassion"


I've been kind of excited about Costa Rica. But I'm also kind of worried.
Like on other trips I've always kind of had a security that I'd be able to help
in some small way-whether filling a bowl with soup or tossing a brick. But this
trip is much different. I'll have chances to play and worship, but outside of that.
I don't feel the same security I can always help out in whatever small servant-like
ways I can. Or if God is trying to tell me to serve in one way, but I miss it because
my heart is closed off. I try not to worry-and I'm really excited. I just sometimes stress
a little about how God will use me/if he will depending on how open my heart is to him.
I want to ask you to pray for me, but maybe not...instead I think you should be praying for the people I'll get to serve while I'm there and that they might see Christ in me and the rest of
the team. I guess this shouldn't be a trip about teens going down to do some stuff in Costa Rica,
but rather God working in Costa-maybe we should be removed from the place of honor in that. Does that make sense? Like that it would be all God rather than his people.
Anyways, I need to be up in like 5 hours and 30 minutes.

I love you, (insert your name here),
-Jonathan

Is the church in the show business?

I sometimes wonder if we try to put on a show at a worship service.

Like I feel like a lot of times it's easy to go on a Sunday and just expect

to be entertained by cool videos and exciting music and a sermon so we

can give an 'amen' even if we don't realize what we're saying when we say

amen. To be honest, it kind of scares me if that's what the church has come

to-meeting on Sundays to see that super-cool Jonathan kid play piano or guitar

or accordion and arrange music in weird ways just because it's fun to watch.

Not to say that I think I'm that great at any of those but I was just pulling an

example from my humble self. I think this brings me to ask if we're worshiping

tools to worship God rather than God? Are we worshiping Larry's crazy voice

or Tommy's great pastoring skills or Aaron's deep thoughts? 

And I'm not trying to act self-righteous in saying I don't do it. Because I do.

And I want to maybe address the idea. Maybe I'm completely wrong and am just

being an idiot. Maybe. Anyways any thoughts on the church becoming a show.

I was talking to a friend who's a worship leader and they were saying that when

a church gets big it has to start becoming more of a show. Maybe they're right.

Maybe. Anyways, yeah...

You Live On!

Baal our god will fall away, whose name is lust, adultery
Mammon god will fall away, whose name is riches, luxury
Beelzebul will fall away, whose name is sin, slavery
heaven and earth will pass away but You live on!
Our greed You take away, our lust You take away
our sins You take away, our friends will fade away, our logic fades away but You live on!
El Elyon!
Your Love come down today, Your Truth, Your Justice, Your Healing, Your Power, Your Mercy, Your Glory come today, Your Will be done today, in Jesus name i pray, vanity of vanities all is vanity but You live on, You live on! El Elyon!
-Psalters