Begin

I felt like I came so far.
I really did.

But now I am back to the same square one.

Trusting God is hard. It really is.

Preachers make it out to be easier than it is.

They always talk about how God has a bigger
picture than I do, while in the meanwhile I
feel like I am stuck in a dark hole.

It is funny how ideas feel much softer than reality.

I am not mad at God or anything.
I just wish I had a clue sometimes.

There was a point where I came far from
trusting God and not feeling so hopeless in everything.

Crazy how one day can push me back months.
Crazy how pulling one card can put me back three spaces.

And giving a round three at college did not really help, either.

I actually felt more alone than I have in a while.

I realized that I do not have any mentors who did/is doing the college thing
who is not great academically. What was really scary was when I turned to God
on that one, I had to realize that he knows everything :P
Nobody.

I was talking to Kelsey, and she asked me if I actually trusted if God has a purpose for me.

I do.
I just am not sure if I will find it.

Actually. That is it.
It is not a thing of college necessarily. I just want to do what God wants me to do, which
could be one of three trillion things and I have it narrowed down to one of 99% of those things being it.

I do not really write these for the sake of you guys reading about my problems.
I mean I am open about it, but I hope you do not think I am just rambling for the sake of rambling.
I really am just trying to organize my thoughts and I type faster than I journal.
Although I not mind if you care :P

Jonathan