Justice

I seriously can get pissed at the school system sometimes.

                    Most the time actually.

                        Actually, I'm pretty much against the system to be honest(call me a rebel).

But it's not a matter of 'school sucks' or 'it's for fags' as much as it is unjust.

       And I feel justified in being against something that is unjust.

Think about it:

           Year after year I see CP kids that the world views as retarded try desperately hard to pass and fail, then end up working some crap job.

           Yet year after year there are kids who barely try, and even sleep during class who are considered 'gifted'(whatever that means), make straight A's and the world applauds their laziness with lofty jobs and free rides to college.

Unjust? I think so.

Not saying that I'm the hardest working kid on the planet, but I try just as hard, if not harder than some of my friends who are in AP and gifted classes. 

        That being said, I generally attempt all the work and always ask questions, so I'm not a slacker either.

It just wears on me that I wake up to this every day, and honestly,

          It sucks the joy that I'm supposed to have in Christ every day.

And I wish it didn't, but it does.

        I pray it won't, but it seems it always will in some way.

          Every year I'm told that  everyone should take at least one AP class and join a few clubs. For what? 

             Why?

               Doesn't that take away from the 'advanced' part of it?

It sounds an awful lot like school politics to me. It sounds an awful lot like they want our school to look better than all of the other schools. They're just clever about it.

          

And I seem to be the only person who notices all of this is happening while students eat all this crap every day for their entire school career.

All this said I am thankful that I have an education. 

      But a big part of me would rather have no schooling than an unfair one, to be honest, because I'm sick and tired of being judged on the scale of my ability to take a friggin' test.

"Damned when our dreams don't get realized

  Damned when we're found out by all our petty lies

  Damned when our plans fail; damned when people try

  Damned when I can't see the truth through these jaded eyes

And more than I want to see, I need to hear

Someone tell me somehow...that it's gunna be alright...

Tell me it's gunna be alright..."

                -The Cobalt Season: Glory

       By the way, you should check these guys out-they're one of my favorite bands, and I emailed the lead singer to ask him about how he got where he is and stuff. He emailed me back and seems to be a pretty nice guy.

Careful

You are gonna change your mind someday
So just let go of all your thoughts on tomorrow
You may find your bearings in disarray
Though you may lead and trip and fall and follow

And all that you thought black will be proved red
Full of life and complication and sorrow
And all that you thought white was in your head
For life is lived in the shadows that we borrow

And I’ll look far, but may see nothing
And I will thirst, but may not drink
And I will yell to those behind me
“Careful not to draw your maps in pen and ink”

The same road disappears up ahead
Will you ever understand this equation?
The compass in your hand is all but dead
Time to feel your way around this evasion

Read the words again, for you might see
Life where you saw death, a way to your salvation
Best to lay down what you thought was certainty
Freedom’s found in the in that calmed frustration

And I will strain to find a pattern
And hold my breath ’till I’m on the brink
And I will yell to those behind me
“Careful not to draw your maps in pen and ink”

You are gonna change your mind someday
Just let go of all your thoughts...

Careful Not to Draw Your Maps in Pend and Ink

By: The Cobalt Season

Learn

So Wednsday we had the college fair.
Which is equivilent to a depression fair for me.
Basically it consisted of me following Kelsey around as
she looked for school and me writing a song about how I don't
know what I want to do with my life.

College has always been kind of a tough subject for me.
It's always been hard for me to see light in it.
So I basically went through the school day pretty depressed with
all of that jazz on my mind.

Then I came to Shift early and talked to Jake, and for the first time...
I didn't feel alone when it came to college.
He was able to kind of give me an insight on what his experience was like-
not really knowing what he wanted, what a music education looked like etc.

It's hard for me to express with words how it made me feel though, because
I don't feel like this is doing justice to it.

I mean the idea of school has always just brought me down time after time after time.

And for fifteen or twenty minutes I felt...okay with it.
I felt like it's something I might be able to handle.
I felt like God had a plan for me(Plans to prosper me, not to harm me).
I guess I'll post my song(It's probably still rough since I haven't written music with it yet).

Song Idea:

Chorus:
I don't know
where the hell
I'm supposed to go
No I don't know
where it is
that you would have me go

Verse 1:
You never said it'd be easy
But did you ever say it'd be hard?
The road I've gone's made me weary,
but I see a light at the end of it all.

But still...

(Chorus)

Verse 2:
I've tried so hard to see clearly
And you've worked so hard for my trust.
When the future I hold shines so bleakly
It's to you that I give all my hope

But still...

(Chorus)

Bridge:
The world around me's running
toward shining goals
to leave me in the dust
God am I stuck here-doomed to rust

(Chorus 2x)

Blow

I just got back from FBRT.

  So many good memories.

Just thought I'd write about one in particular.

I was just hanging out the other night and decided for whatever

to go to the beach. 

Incredible.

Breathtaking.

The wind was blowing more fierce than I had ever felt wind blow.

The time I was just able to be silent was exhilarating.

I even went as far as to dance and sing in the sand.

It was just you and me.

-Jonathan